Roman’s Birth Story
It has been one week since I gave birth to Roman Alexander Morales. I have never felt more love and support and I have never felt love as strongly as I do with Roman.
My plans were to initiate my way into motherhood the way that women have initiated themselves since man became man. I was committed to having a home birth and to having a spiritual experience from which I could learn and grow. It worked, but not at all the way I planned it.
Labor started Wednesday morning at about 4 am. The contractions would be consistent (10 minutes apart) for 1-2 hours then slow down for 1-2 hours. I recognized it as pre-labor. My husband called in for paternity leave and we started getting really excited. We cleaned the house, baked lactation cookies, went for a long walk and had a big dinner with friends and family. That evening, the contractions became more intense. I was so excited I could only sleep 1.5 hours. This was a huge mistake! When active labor arrived I was already very tired.
At 4 am on Thursday morning, I began monitoring the length and frequency of my contractions. By 7AM, both my doula (my best friend, Bailey) and my midwife, Stephanie, had arrived at my house. Active labor had begun! I was sure that baby Roman would arrive by noon. Ha! The first lesson I learned was to quit planning what my labor and birth were going to look like. Though it seemed like I was progressing well, I was only 3 cm dilated by noon and my baby was posterior. My midwife knew he was posterior but we assumed he would turn while in labor. We tried everything to get him to turn. My chiropractor came over and adjusted me, we rocked my hips, and put me in several positions to encourage turning. During this part of labor I learned some powerful coping and visualization techniques that helped me take things to the next level.
Things started getting more intense. I was vomiting periodically and began to doubt my ability to have Roman naturally. I began to cry. My birth team was amazing: my doula, herself 6 months pregnant, held me up when I had contractions and was providing heating pads and massage. My husband was comforting and encouraging, and was constantly trying to feed and hydrate me since I couldn’t keep anything down. My mother was there to comfort me, cook for me and take care of me when I needed it. I have never felt so loved and supported in my life. I used this time to get in touch with my body and focus on opening up and letting go. I dilated to 7-8 cm during this time and thought I was really on my way! He was still posterior which meant that my contractions, though strong, were irregular and I had constant back pain in between contractions.
I remained dilated at 7-8 cm for about 6 hours. That is much longer than we expected. I got into the birth tub, but it made my contractions space out in time and feel more intense when I had them. My midwife suggested taking some herbs to slow down labor so I could get some sleep. It was midnight so we agreed that this was the best option. My body didn’t agree. I laid down to sleep but the contractions continued every 5 minutes. Around 1 AM, my midwife suggested going to the hospital. I cried because I really wanted to have a natural home birth. Then I decided to try everything I could to relax and get Roman out. For the next two hours I went inward and mustered everything I had to make the contractions productive. They came about every two minutes and I tried as hard as I could to visualize baby Roman turning and moving further into my pelvis. My husband was an amazing support and I would have broken without him. Around 3:30 am, my midwife checked me and I was still dilated at about 7-8 cm. We also noticed that Roman passed meconium, which can indicate stress. I realized that I needed to surrender to the circumstances and use modern medicine to meet my baby. We decided to go to the hospital to get Pitocin and an epidural which would hopefully relax my body and get Roman to turn.
From the time I decided to get the epidural and the time it took to actually get the epidural it was 2 more hours of contractions. This was the hardest part because my coping skills were no longer working and I was processing the major change in my plans for birth. But the epidural was the best relief in the world! I was able to relax and fell asleep. I knew I could push this baby out and was looking forward to seeing Roman soon. When they woke me up around 7:30 AM Friday morning, the OB said that she could not give me Pitocin because Roman was showing an abnormal heart rate during contractions. The only option was a cesarean. Once again, my plans were no longer mine. I had to completely surrender to circumstance. After several tears, I knew that this was the best choice for Roman.
My body shook violently throughout the entire cesarean and for about an hour afterward. But Roman did arrive, happy and healthy at 8:22 am on Friday March 6th!
Apparently, his head was tilted and not directly on my cervix which is why it wouldn’t dilate any further. His hands were up by his face, he was 10 pounds 2 ounces and his head circumference was 15.5 cm – off the charts for newborns.
All of these factors coupled with the fact that this was my first birth made modern medical intervention necessary for me. Thank goodness for the wonderful team at St David’s Main.
Birth is an amazing process. The experience broke open my heart and tore down barriers that I was not even aware I had. I have never fought so hard for something and then lost, only to be healed by love. Birth taught me humility, surrender, and a new level of unconditional love. I am grateful for my experience.